How can you distinguish a real friend from a friendly acquaintance or a friendly enemy?
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the elements of genuine friendship. A real friend wants you to do well, respects the other positive relationships in your life and is quick to say "I'm sorry." A real friend is gentle with your feelings, honest with you in a caring way and doesn't bail when the going gets rough. Finally, a real friend is there for you in your triumphs as much as she is during your tribulations. Dr. McCoy explores all of these qualities of true friendship.
Tension between the generations has existed throughout history, with exasperated comments recorded for posterity by the ancient Greeks. Older people have always complained about irresponsible youth and the young have always complained about out of touch, obtuse, old-fashioned elders.
But today's generations face a greater challenge: media-fueled generation wars, some of these cynically targeted at older or younger citizens to push forward certain political agendas. The concept of "greedy Geezers", lamentations about Baby Boomers asking too much of their kids and the kids not stepping up to take on adult responsibilities are all over the media and the internet.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses how to see past these media skirmishes to find the truth: we need each other and help each other in unique and wonderful ways.
When we were kids, we worried about monsters in the closet and alligators under the bed. As teens, some of us worried that we wouldn't lose our virginity before a nuclear holocaust blew up the world. As we grew into adulthood, we worried about finding a good job, true love and saving for important life goals.
Now, in retirement, many couples translate new worries -- about losing health and independence, losing beloved spouses, into geriatric spats. The themes of these spats come from a place of love and caring -- yet can irritate and divide spouses.
This episode focuses on understanding the nature of geriatric spats and how to live with uncertainty and anticipatory grief.
A survey from her high school, asking for alum feedback about giving a Lifetime Achievement Award to a person who graduated before 1970, inspired this episode, as Dr. McCoy wonders what kind of life, what kind of achievements, might merit such an award.
She wonders whether it makes any sense at all to value one life over another, especially for women. From the 1950's phenomenon "Queen for a Day" when the woman with the worst, most miserable life would win home appliances and a nice dinner to media fueled "Mommy Wars", women have suffered a great deal being compared with another. This episode explores the value of a variety of lives and what matters most.
Dr. McCoy discusses realities of relationships that involve physical and/or emotional or verbal abuse. The first truth is that no one likes being abused. But the challenges are many: how to recognize abuse when it happens, why the emotional impact of abuse can crush a person's spirit and make it harder to leave, and ways that friends and family can hurt or help the victim. She discusses how to support loved ones who are facing abuse in ways that are truly helpful to them.
There are some mistakes people make in preparing for retirement that can lead to disappointment, even disaster, in retirement. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses five of these: acting on impulse, acting on assuptions,retiring without a plan,failing to resolve lifestyle differences with your spouse,and running away instead of running to something. She talks about how to avoid these pitfalls in order to build a happy, satisfying retirement lifestyle together.
While some major marital problems like infidelity, abuse or financial disasters due to gambling can lead to marital distress and perhaps to divorce court, little cruelties can also add up to marital estrangement.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy, speaking from her perspective as a marriage and family therapist, talks about little cruelties and betrayals, like belittling, blaming, the silent treatment, diminishing a spouse's achievements or making him or her the butt of jokes, can erode love. She makes suggestions for couples who have fallen into the habit of little cruelties in order to improve their relationship and long-term prospects for a happy life together.
Are you afflicted with FIPS or Formerly Important Person Syndrome? In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses how to overcome deep feelings of loss over a stalled career, an empty nest or a working life left behind, either through job loss or retirement. She talks about how you can build a lifelong identity that is not dependent on a career or a life role and that endures when all else changes.
How well do we know old friends? What secrets do we keep from each other and why? And how can new discoveries about old friends positively impact our relationships and our lives?
Dr. McCoy discusses her surprise upon finding out recently that a dear friend of 40 years is a Holocaust survivor and that another close friend who has always put a positive spin on his cosmopolitan background had some dark secrets shared only recently.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy explores the ways we may come to resemble our mothers as we reach midlife. This can be an unsettling discovery or a sign of growth and opportunity to develop some of the wonderful traits we may remember in our parents: patience, generativity, greater kindness and wisdom. Dr. McCoy explores how to make the best of this OMG! moment in life.
A recent study found that Baby Boomers, who came of age in an era of the Pill and free love, are increasingly soured on sex. Another study of seniors and sex found that many people enjoy active sex lives into old age. What makes the difference between dissatisfaction with sex and pleasure with sex as we age?
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses why some Boomers are so dissatisfied with their sex lives and why some older people enjoy sex well into their 70's or 80's. If your sex life could use improvement, how can you begin to make a positive difference in your own life and relationship?
There was a time when all parents of teens had to deal with was sullen silence. Now there is electronic silence as teens focus on texting with friends. In this episode, Dr. McCoy offers 9 suggestions for breaking through both sullen and electronic silence to connect with your teen once again.
No, this episode isn't about the lovely television show of the same name that aired some years ago. It's about life in one's sixties, seventies, and beyond when one wonders about so many unknowable things: if savings will be enough, how long health and mobility will endure, how one might cope with future losses, and if this is all there is. While we don't have a crystal ball for the future, we can take steps to safeguard our health and vitality for as long as possible. And we can make a positive difference in our lives with positive wondering: looking at today with wonder and gratitude.
What can you do when someone you is engaging in health self-sabotage? Dr. Kathy McCoy has suggestions to help you get through to a loved one in ways that work best.
Parents and their adult children often having clashing expectations in a variety of ways: expectations of seeing each other more (or less), expectations about financial or emotional support, about life changes, about differing concepts of what it means to be family.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses how to handle clashing expectations, how to set boundaries and voice your wishes and how to make peace, not with what could be or might have been, but with what is.
Depression happens for a variety of reasons as one ages and experiences great losses, a decline in health, a loss of mobility or independence or a loss of the structure and purpose one had while working. In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses how to recognize the signs of depression in an elderly relative or in yourself -- and how to alleviate the pain.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the necessity and the benefits of time out from caregiving -- whether you're the busy parent of teenagers or a special needs child or of an aging parent, whether you're juggling multiple responsibilities or adjusting to retirement with a 24/7 spouse. Dr. McCoy offers tips for brief respite, even if you feel you don't have the time, in order to replenish your energy to meet all the challenges of your life.
Dr. McCoy gives tips for understanding and dealing with adult children in residence who have yet to launch or who are coming back home after college, divorce or job loss. She offers suggestions for setting limits and ground rules and getting your young adult children successfully launched into the world.
While advice abounds on financial retirement readiness, there isn't nearly as much emphasis as there needs to be on emotional retirement readiness, Dr. McCoy contends. In this episode, she gives five guidelines to prepare emotionally for this major life transition. What do you do when something unforeseen comes between you and your retirement dreams? How do you want to live and who do you want to be after you leave the full-time workforce? When is the best time -- for you -- to call it quits? How do you decide whether to relocate or stay put? Does moving to be closer to the kids and grandkids make sense? How will retirement impact your marriage and your friendships? Dr. McCoy addresses these questions and more in this episode.
In this episode, Dr. McCoy discusses the secrets and special qualities that those in long term love relationships tend to share. In findings based on her clinical experience with a wide variety of couples, Dr. McCoy explores signs that a relationship may not last and the special qualities of those that do last for decades. In learning from long-time loving couples, you can discover ways to help your own relationship endure and to thrive.
As we age, we have so many memories and also some regrets. We may regret some things we did and some things we didn't do, roads not taken. What can you do with regrets? How can you turn these into positives to enhance your current life and relationships?
Letting go is crucial to growth in midlife. This means letting go of the burdens of youth, of daily responsibility for children, of old dreams and outgrown needs and roles, of judgments, old hurt and anger to make way for new ways to grow and to love.
What can you do when your adult child is having career setbacks, is confused over his or her life direction or is having financial, drug or alcohol issues or marital problems? Dr. McCoy discusses what to do -- and what not to do -- to help. She has specific suggestions on how to help without hindering growth, to encourage without diminishing your adult child's own problem solving skills, and to nurture without rescuing.
Taking a close look at the stories we tell ourselves about our lives can give us valuable insights into the themes of our lives. Do we see ourselves as victims? Or as resilient survivors? Do we remember only pain? Or fun and forgiveness and love above all?
Our lives all haves shades of gray, complicated mixes of joy and pain and nuances that are often more apparent to us than to those close to us.
How and what we remember and the stories we tell ourselves can have a major impact on our later lives and on our relationships.
Loneliness can come with losses and life changes, through one's own actions or reactions or changing circumstances. Dr. McCoy discusses seven ways to break through the emotional walls that can grow around our lonely feelings and reconnect with others.